A Letter to my Parents
To my father (Dad), my mother (Mom), and my other mother (Cindy-mom).
I am a lucky person, because I didn’t just get 2 parents that love me, I got 3.
Or maybe I have 3 parents that I love, instead of just 2.
I need you to know what I learned from each of you.
Dad, I learned philosophy, understanding, mathematics, and logic. You taught me the lessons of life that would help me find the truth. To this day, I hear your voice in my head, “The Truth will set you free;” “Never run away from your problems;” “face your fears;” and “follow your heart!” You would lecture us for hours and explain things to us in such amazing detail, that I often felt like I was there with you. You taught me how to see the most beautiful, gruesome, and finest details of every moment.
Mom, I learned magic, community, and passion. How to make friends and enemies. How to navigate oppressive times with joy and laughter in the tiniest corners. Your words and passion inspired me to find beauty in the rarest of places. You protected the child of curiosity and wonder inside of me, always hopeful that there’s got to be something better. You taught me how to dance and sing with all my heart. I hear your voice often say, “When you know better, you do better!”
Cindy-Mom, I learned independence, critical thinking, respect for knowledge, and a love of the Pacific Northwest. You showed me the importance of culture, music, education, and how much freedom each of these offer you. You cultivated my passion for music and gave me a voice without words with which to express my complicated emotions. You showed me a different view of the ocean; one of purest love, honor, and respect. You gave me the fuel and the desire to fill my head with knowledge. You taught me how to use my sight, to see a future that holds, the least amount of harm, with the most amount of growth. I often hear your voice saying, “Chose your goal!”
Cindy-mom and dad; you held a model of a secure attachment. You showed me how to stay; how to let myself go, and fall in love – with a willingness to give myself up, over and over, come what may; because to be separated is more painful than it ever was to be together, even in our anger. After 19 years of survival with the man that I love, only now do I understand what it means to be in a partnership, where you yield to each other and heal each other’s deepest wounds. I recognize what it means to hold a secure attachment.
Mom, you taught me what it looks like to grow from oppression. When you’ve been buried in the ground you showed me how to hold pain and joy in such a way, that only years later, allowed me to burst out and blossom. You were a model of the independent and interdependent soul, unafraid to be yourself and follow your own truth, yet willing to bend and sway to the needs of your people. You put your all into everything that you do, with tenacity and strength, holding the will of our feminine ancestors while cultivating a wellspring of magic and wisdom. In a lot of ways, we grew up together, and in other ways, you have taught me what it means to be a curandera, a healer of your tribe, and a sacrificial lamb who became a lion (well, you’re the lion mom, I’m the wolf!).
I finally figured out my own truth. I blossomed in the world by being given the skills and practice of what it means to navigate scarcity and abundance. The 3 of you held a tri-force of growth, that created a titan in me. I recognize my ability to reflect – to show every person I meet a part of themselves they have forgotten. I recognize my ability to hold a safe bubble in my individual connections, as you taught me to hold with each of you. I am a person, who holds respect in the sacred, joy and excitement in the exhilaration of life, and the knowledge of ages. Because of you, I was honored with the ability to witness the beautiful and terrible truths of the 3 most influential people in my life – the three of you. I recognize that I am loved. I recognize how much you love me. That’s how much I love you too. All of you.
I am grateful for your patience, frustrations, passion, anger, integrity, and challenges. In my experience of each of your wounds, I learned how to appreciate what I know and understand of each of your contexts. You helped me become, what people often refer to me as, a brilliant psychologist.
Thank you for all that you are!
With sincerest love,
Your daughter,
Patricia Renee Torres
(Noble) (Rebirth) (Tower).
P.S. – I like to share songs, that perfectly describe how I’m feeling about someone or something. I have a long list of individual ones that remind me of each of you, individually, and together. This one in particular is for all 3 of you. From my favorite band throughout my life – because they were the ones who helped me get through everything and understand the value of all we experienced – Depeche Mode.
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